I remember Valentine's Day to be at it's peak (I mean the marketing part of it)during our college days.Showrooms of Archies and Hallmark used to be thronged by Cupid-struck youth buying cards and teddy bears.Flower sellers used to make fortune as love knows neither limits nor budgets.I was never meant to be left behind....used to buy at least 2 or 3 cards with romantic,mushy overflow of words to be sent to my long -distance Valentine only to get one single card from him with only three crisp and clear words in it...."Happy Valentine's Day"that too which made it to me only by the end of March.
Years of courtship was followed by tying the knot .Our first Valentine's Day as a married couple....I surprised him by sending a dozen red roses to his work place.I was more surprised when he came back at lunchtime with the roses in hand.I thought he had taken the day off to thank me...alas,he had come to keep the roses at home.....he was tired of answering his co-workers if it was his birthday!!
With years,my enthusiasm has also slowed down.Every Valentine's Day we remind each other that we don't need a special day to acknowledge ("display" ,in his words)our love for each other.(Sounds cliched??I know!)
Yesterday was Valentine's Day again.The morning passed away helping my little girl make cards for her teachers and friends,finding a dress for her with a heart drawn on it for her to wear to school.The afternoon was busy making preparations for a typical Bengali dinner as the hubby would be on an official tour for the next five days and would miss home food .When the son came home,I didn't forget to ask if he has anything important to tell me.He didn't....so far,so good!(No Valentine's yet...Mommy is happy!)While making dinner ,I rang up the hubby reminding him to pick up the milk and bread while coming home.
The evening went off smoothly.The dinner turned out well.When it was time to give my little one her night time milk,Iremembered that hubby hasn't bought the milk as directed.But no,he didn't forget to bring the milk,only forgot to bring it out of the car.So ,Here I was opening the car to get out the milk....and what do I see? A bunch of 12 red roses ......Yes,a dozen of them!!Seems the man coudn't resist himself from succumbimg to the society's or the store's pressure of "displaying" his love on this particular day.I smiled remembering the young man who came running from office one day, too embarassed that his wife was "displaying" her love!!
Things have changed but not our love!!:)
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
How much is "Too much"?
"Diplomat transferred from Britain after wife beating charges"
Senior London-based diplomat Anil Verma, accused of assaulting his wife, has been transferred back home with immediate effect and is likely to face action.
Verma, a 1986-batch IAS officer of the West Bengal cadre and third-ranked diplomat in the Indian High Commission, found himself in trouble when his wife covered in blood was found screaming by neighbours on December 11.
When the police arrived, 45-year-old Verma, Minister (Economic) in the Indian mission, claimed diplomatic immunity and escaped action.........
This piece of news which has been doing the rounds ,I am sure, must have had far less readers than the reviews of Aamir's wife's maiden venture"Dhobi Ghaat"or the worst and best dressed actresses in the Golden Globe awards function .Not that the news went totally unnoticed.Some of us read it,thought about it before moving to the next news and even remembered to talk about it in our get-togethers.The most frequent comment that most of us blurted out was,
"These things happen among the educated and the upper class of the society too!".....as if we didn't know that.Didn't we know that many among us still don't wear anything other than saris or salwar kameez only because the husband doesn't want too?Many of our friends can't even think of calling their parents more than once a week(as fixed by the husbands)while his parents stay with him thus leaving him with no need to call them up to talk.Though it may sound strange,many women still have to ask for permission to go out to do errands,leave alone for their own entertainment like shopping and visiting friends.
It is not only our uneducated maids who are facing the brunt of male domination but also many of their "educated"employers who can't even think of taking up a job until her husband or his parents agree.The irony is that the maid can turn to the employer or police for help but not so in the case of the dominated educated woman.Who will she turn to?The society won't believe her seeing her jewllery and costly outfits,relatives and friends would think that a man who takes her for vacations twice a year and who is such a good father cannot be the reason for his wife's tormentation and her inner self will keep on trying to find 101 reasons why life would be worse without a man.Hence the domination and the suffering continues with flowers ,anniversary gifts and birthday surprises thrown in .....
We have been taught since childhood that "adjustment "is a virtue.,but is it so only in the case of a woman?Why does she have to adjust herself to be the first one to wake up and the last to sleep so that the family functions smoothly whereas the husband cannot adjust to eat a cold dinner even for a day?Well,here I have to mention that there are many lucky ones like me(touchwood!)who don't have to do with these "adjustments" .But our numbers are still few.Why does it always take woman to bleed till her bruises(emotional and physical)are seen?When is it "too much"?Only when he hits you and the world sees?If the beatings and abuses are behind the doors ,aren't they enough to cry out loud?If there are kids involved ,then should the tormentations be allowed to continue for their sake?How much is too much?Only if we had the answer...........
Senior London-based diplomat Anil Verma, accused of assaulting his wife, has been transferred back home with immediate effect and is likely to face action.
Verma, a 1986-batch IAS officer of the West Bengal cadre and third-ranked diplomat in the Indian High Commission, found himself in trouble when his wife covered in blood was found screaming by neighbours on December 11.
When the police arrived, 45-year-old Verma, Minister (Economic) in the Indian mission, claimed diplomatic immunity and escaped action.........
This piece of news which has been doing the rounds ,I am sure, must have had far less readers than the reviews of Aamir's wife's maiden venture"Dhobi Ghaat"or the worst and best dressed actresses in the Golden Globe awards function .Not that the news went totally unnoticed.Some of us read it,thought about it before moving to the next news and even remembered to talk about it in our get-togethers.The most frequent comment that most of us blurted out was,
"These things happen among the educated and the upper class of the society too!".....as if we didn't know that.Didn't we know that many among us still don't wear anything other than saris or salwar kameez only because the husband doesn't want too?Many of our friends can't even think of calling their parents more than once a week(as fixed by the husbands)while his parents stay with him thus leaving him with no need to call them up to talk.Though it may sound strange,many women still have to ask for permission to go out to do errands,leave alone for their own entertainment like shopping and visiting friends.
It is not only our uneducated maids who are facing the brunt of male domination but also many of their "educated"employers who can't even think of taking up a job until her husband or his parents agree.The irony is that the maid can turn to the employer or police for help but not so in the case of the dominated educated woman.Who will she turn to?The society won't believe her seeing her jewllery and costly outfits,relatives and friends would think that a man who takes her for vacations twice a year and who is such a good father cannot be the reason for his wife's tormentation and her inner self will keep on trying to find 101 reasons why life would be worse without a man.Hence the domination and the suffering continues with flowers ,anniversary gifts and birthday surprises thrown in .....
We have been taught since childhood that "adjustment "is a virtue.,but is it so only in the case of a woman?Why does she have to adjust herself to be the first one to wake up and the last to sleep so that the family functions smoothly whereas the husband cannot adjust to eat a cold dinner even for a day?Well,here I have to mention that there are many lucky ones like me(touchwood!)who don't have to do with these "adjustments" .But our numbers are still few.Why does it always take woman to bleed till her bruises(emotional and physical)are seen?When is it "too much"?Only when he hits you and the world sees?If the beatings and abuses are behind the doors ,aren't they enough to cry out loud?If there are kids involved ,then should the tormentations be allowed to continue for their sake?How much is too much?Only if we had the answer...........
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Of Resolutions...
No,I am not making any resolutions this year.In fact ,there is no point in making them when I never could stick to them.But this blog is about resolutions ;so,here you go......I have a list of resolutions for my dear husband if he decides to make any for the coming year(see,I am always making things easier for him!!)
The List....
1.To literally lift his eyes from the computer or newspaper and look at me before saying"You look fine" whenever I ask for his opinion after getting dressed for some ocassion.
2.To restrain himself from telling the truth when I ask him "Am I looking fat in this outfit?"(I know the truth and don't want to hear it from him)
3.To actually go out and get some food when I say "I am too tired to cook but I will manage!"instead of asking me"Are you sure,Honey?"
4.To be able to do simple things on his own...like giving the kids a shower(not call me to ask if they need shampoo or what are they going to wear).
5.To thank me for the little things(which are really BIG)like reminding him his siblings' birthdays and his mom's favorite colour(does he even remember my mom's name?)which keep life and relationships moving.
For this year,I don't want to burden him with too many resolutions.If he manages to stick to even one or two of them,life will be much better for me....so,my resolution for 2011 is to make My Man stick to at least a couple of the resolutions written above.:)
Happy New Year to all!!!
The List....
1.To literally lift his eyes from the computer or newspaper and look at me before saying"You look fine" whenever I ask for his opinion after getting dressed for some ocassion.
2.To restrain himself from telling the truth when I ask him "Am I looking fat in this outfit?"(I know the truth and don't want to hear it from him)
3.To actually go out and get some food when I say "I am too tired to cook but I will manage!"instead of asking me"Are you sure,Honey?"
4.To be able to do simple things on his own...like giving the kids a shower(not call me to ask if they need shampoo or what are they going to wear).
5.To thank me for the little things(which are really BIG)like reminding him his siblings' birthdays and his mom's favorite colour(does he even remember my mom's name?)which keep life and relationships moving.
For this year,I don't want to burden him with too many resolutions.If he manages to stick to even one or two of them,life will be much better for me....so,my resolution for 2011 is to make My Man stick to at least a couple of the resolutions written above.:)
Happy New Year to all!!!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Chalk and Cheese
This is the story of two sisters.They are the only daughters of a loving couple whose only aim in life is to raise them to be two independent,loving and caring individuals with all the right values and principles in life.
Well,coming back to the sisters,one followed the other into this world after seven long years.The younger one was the elder's prized possession right from her birth.......while the maternal grandmother kept on insisting the little 7yr old to pray for a brother the night mother was in the hospital,the little girl kept on praying for a baby sister to play with...and BINGO....God answered her prayers!The younger sister was a winner right from the beginning....she suffered a terrible stomach infection for the first three months of her life and emerged stronger.Everything was extraordinary about her...she walked and talked well ahead of her peers,was able to do many things which kids her age never even tried to.Most remarkable was her desire and fondness for academics,her love for routine and schedule,her craze to know more!!
As the two sisters kept growinng under the care and warmth of their parents and grandmother,more prominent became the innumerable ways in which the two were different.The older one who in fact took upon herself to be the second mom to her little sister,was in fact the one who needed more guidance and supervision most of the times.The older one(We will call her "P") was always wasting away her time throughout the year to study only for a fortnight before the exams .The other(Let's call her "N" )always had her syllabus ready and stopped studying since a fortnight away from the exams.P had all her stuff all around the house and was forever losing things while N had everything in their designated places.P never blinked before spending and N took at least a week to decide if she really wanted to spend those ten bucks.(Of course,now things have changed that she is earning her own...point is P never thought any money not to be her own:))P acted and talked first and then thought;N thought and weighed the pros and cons..seldom talked.N does things according to her "to do"list and P never can stick to any routine in her life.
Even on the social front,the sisters are poles apart.P talks,makes friends and is comfortable in any gathering while N has her own special friends and rarely allows anyone into her life(so much so that often P feels like a stranger in her sister's life).P always wears her heart on her sleeve which is often the bone of contention between the two sisters.
Well,besides the above differences,Nature and Society have also done their bit in making the differences between the two girls more prominent.While P was often praised and admired for her "fair" complexion and beauty,N was never spared to be reminded that she was the "darker" one.(Little did she know that many a times P cursed herself for being fairer than her baby sister).Of course,it's different now...after she has climbed the ladder of success to the top,many people are finding her "Fair enough" though!!While N grabbed the first position in all the exams of her life,society kept on reminding her that she has to work harder for not being the son everyone wanted(who cared for what the parents wanted?) N,who very much has a mind of her own always felt left out when people called the parents as "P's parents"(I don't blame the people...after all,P is the first-born).Hence,she found out a way to have it her way....with her brilliant academic success,the parents started to be known as N's parents:).When it comes to hard work,determination,and will power,N has all of the three in excess while to P these three words are foreign.
So,by now,don't you agree that the two sisters P and N are as different as chalk and cheese?(now please don't start judging who is the chalk and who is the cheese).But wait,that's not the end of the story.....With all their differences,they are very much one....they love the same parents,they adore the same mom's food (different dishes,though),they want to make the same parents happy and they both want the same sibling they have in their next birth too(at least P wants it for sure,)....Who says Chalk and Cheese don't love each other??
Yes,Chalk loves the Cheese and wishes the Cheese many happy returns of the day for her upcoming birthday on 31st December,2010.Love you sis....
Well,coming back to the sisters,one followed the other into this world after seven long years.The younger one was the elder's prized possession right from her birth.......while the maternal grandmother kept on insisting the little 7yr old to pray for a brother the night mother was in the hospital,the little girl kept on praying for a baby sister to play with...and BINGO....God answered her prayers!The younger sister was a winner right from the beginning....she suffered a terrible stomach infection for the first three months of her life and emerged stronger.Everything was extraordinary about her...she walked and talked well ahead of her peers,was able to do many things which kids her age never even tried to.Most remarkable was her desire and fondness for academics,her love for routine and schedule,her craze to know more!!
As the two sisters kept growinng under the care and warmth of their parents and grandmother,more prominent became the innumerable ways in which the two were different.The older one who in fact took upon herself to be the second mom to her little sister,was in fact the one who needed more guidance and supervision most of the times.The older one(We will call her "P") was always wasting away her time throughout the year to study only for a fortnight before the exams .The other(Let's call her "N" )always had her syllabus ready and stopped studying since a fortnight away from the exams.P had all her stuff all around the house and was forever losing things while N had everything in their designated places.P never blinked before spending and N took at least a week to decide if she really wanted to spend those ten bucks.(Of course,now things have changed that she is earning her own...point is P never thought any money not to be her own:))P acted and talked first and then thought;N thought and weighed the pros and cons..seldom talked.N does things according to her "to do"list and P never can stick to any routine in her life.
Even on the social front,the sisters are poles apart.P talks,makes friends and is comfortable in any gathering while N has her own special friends and rarely allows anyone into her life(so much so that often P feels like a stranger in her sister's life).P always wears her heart on her sleeve which is often the bone of contention between the two sisters.
Well,besides the above differences,Nature and Society have also done their bit in making the differences between the two girls more prominent.While P was often praised and admired for her "fair" complexion and beauty,N was never spared to be reminded that she was the "darker" one.(Little did she know that many a times P cursed herself for being fairer than her baby sister).Of course,it's different now...after she has climbed the ladder of success to the top,many people are finding her "Fair enough" though!!While N grabbed the first position in all the exams of her life,society kept on reminding her that she has to work harder for not being the son everyone wanted(who cared for what the parents wanted?) N,who very much has a mind of her own always felt left out when people called the parents as "P's parents"(I don't blame the people...after all,P is the first-born).Hence,she found out a way to have it her way....with her brilliant academic success,the parents started to be known as N's parents:).When it comes to hard work,determination,and will power,N has all of the three in excess while to P these three words are foreign.
So,by now,don't you agree that the two sisters P and N are as different as chalk and cheese?(now please don't start judging who is the chalk and who is the cheese).But wait,that's not the end of the story.....With all their differences,they are very much one....they love the same parents,they adore the same mom's food (different dishes,though),they want to make the same parents happy and they both want the same sibling they have in their next birth too(at least P wants it for sure,)....Who says Chalk and Cheese don't love each other??
Yes,Chalk loves the Cheese and wishes the Cheese many happy returns of the day for her upcoming birthday on 31st December,2010.Love you sis....
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
December.....
I love December.There is something very festive ,warm and joyous about this month.....festive with the Christmas spirit,warm with so many houses ,shopping centres and landmarks well lit and decorated and joy in every heart ready to welcome a new year,a new beginning
December means cakes,soups,rich food,parties and celebrations.It used to be synonymous with picnics(in India)during my childhood days.This month is perfect for vacations(if you don't mind the extra weight of woollens in your luggage:))Its that time of the year when the bright silks are out and you can dress yourself up without getting all sweaty and humid.Its the time for roasted sweet potatoes and colourful caps,mugs of steaming coffee
and stylish boots,holidays with relatives and parties with friends,going out in the snow or fog and warming up in the bonfire with company or staying inside cuddled up with a blanket by the firepace reading an old favorite all by yourself.
December is special to me at my personal front too....it has given me my only lovely sibling and made me a mom for the first time.
So,here it is again and I am celebrating the month with my loved ones,wrapping up the year,thankful for all the good things that happened during the year ,remembering the souls who left for their heavenly abode before the year ended,getting ready to welcome another year with great expectations!!
December means cakes,soups,rich food,parties and celebrations.It used to be synonymous with picnics(in India)during my childhood days.This month is perfect for vacations(if you don't mind the extra weight of woollens in your luggage:))Its that time of the year when the bright silks are out and you can dress yourself up without getting all sweaty and humid.Its the time for roasted sweet potatoes and colourful caps,mugs of steaming coffee
and stylish boots,holidays with relatives and parties with friends,going out in the snow or fog and warming up in the bonfire with company or staying inside cuddled up with a blanket by the firepace reading an old favorite all by yourself.
December is special to me at my personal front too....it has given me my only lovely sibling and made me a mom for the first time.
So,here it is again and I am celebrating the month with my loved ones,wrapping up the year,thankful for all the good things that happened during the year ,remembering the souls who left for their heavenly abode before the year ended,getting ready to welcome another year with great expectations!!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thank You !
Do we have any occasion similar to "Thanksgiving" in India?I am really curious....I find this event so very meaningful.We are taught from our childhood never to forget out "Thank you" and "Please".Most of us are very particular about them too....we thank the waiter in the restaurant,the doctor in the hospital,the postman ,the banker and many such people in our daily lives.But,to be frank,how many of us say(not only feel)the words "Thank you"to the people who matter most in our lives?
Let me think......on how many occasions have I failed to say a "Thank You".........
*When my parents showed trust in me and let me go around Delhi with my the then boyfriend (of course,with my kid sister as the "tag-along")while they stayed back at the hotel....anyone in love will surely understand how priceless it is!!
*When my mother-in-law asked me(a new bride,married for just 7days) to wear salwar kameez or a pair of jeans for my comfort instead of sari,in a house full of relatives while I was going away with my husband to his work place.
*When my father-in-law,while visiting us, helped me in chopping the vegetables when I was juggling a career,a new baby and cooking ,with the maid playing "hide and seek".
*When my younger sister-in -law did my pedicure to relieve me of my stress even though she was the cause of my stress in many occasions:).
*When my brother-in-law convinced my mother-in-law that my parents'home was the ideal place for me to prepare for my B.ed exams.
There are many people whom we have just forgotten or ignored to thank for the things they have done for us or for their kind words.My list is endless.........On this Thanksgiving,let me make a resolution....I will not fail to say those two magic words even for the simplest of actions or words.
Thank You everyone for reading this post!!
Let me think......on how many occasions have I failed to say a "Thank You".........
*When my parents showed trust in me and let me go around Delhi with my the then boyfriend (of course,with my kid sister as the "tag-along")while they stayed back at the hotel....anyone in love will surely understand how priceless it is!!
*When my mother-in-law asked me(a new bride,married for just 7days) to wear salwar kameez or a pair of jeans for my comfort instead of sari,in a house full of relatives while I was going away with my husband to his work place.
*When my father-in-law,while visiting us, helped me in chopping the vegetables when I was juggling a career,a new baby and cooking ,with the maid playing "hide and seek".
*When my younger sister-in -law did my pedicure to relieve me of my stress even though she was the cause of my stress in many occasions:).
*When my brother-in-law convinced my mother-in-law that my parents'home was the ideal place for me to prepare for my B.ed exams.
There are many people whom we have just forgotten or ignored to thank for the things they have done for us or for their kind words.My list is endless.........On this Thanksgiving,let me make a resolution....I will not fail to say those two magic words even for the simplest of actions or words.
Thank You everyone for reading this post!!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
"Tumi ki keboli chhobi......?" --Tagore...("Are you a mere photograph....?"---Tagore)
Can we love and feel someone as our own even if we have never met the person?I am not talking of the feelings some teenagers and many grown-ups too have for their ideals(be it a film star or a sportsman).I mean someone whom you have seen only in a photograph and realise late in life that how this person has been a part of your life (in fact,the whole family's)witnessing everything from that frame on the wall?
We(my sister and me) call him "Dadu".No,he never called us back because he was long gone before we came into this world.My dadu(paternal grandfather)had left for his heavenly abode in his early forties leaving behind his widow and 3 kids,the oldest of whom(my dad) was only 12 then.So,unfortunately,the family had him with them for a very short period of time.
Surprisingly ,we felt his presence in all walks of our lives in more than one way.Since I was a child ,I remember praying for his blessings before starting anything important be it school exams or any other competition.On every festive occassion,be it "Bijoya Dashami" or "Poila Boisakh",we used to bow down in front of his photo and seek his blessings before touching the feet of "Thakuma"(maternal grandmother) and other elders.Not only did we go to Dadu(I mean,his photograph) before the commencement of anything ,but also never forgot to share with him the results(just a "pranam" was the means of communication ).He was the first one to get a "Tika" on every Holi and the first to get a "Diya" lit near his photo every Diwali in our house.
We never got to see any other snaps of "Dadu" except the one framed on the wall nor any belongings of him other than a cigarette case.Maybe,the struggles that my grandma had to face in bringing up the three kids single-handedly in those days didnt leave my grandma with the energy to save some of his belongings as keepsake for the future generation.So, the photograph was the only thing we knew adout "Dadu".
He was there in my prayers when I was getting ready as a bride on my wedding day,when I was in labour and heading towards the hospital for the birth of my first born,when I was going for my first job interview and on every important event in my life.I have never seen you but I know you;I have never touched you but can feel you;I have never hugged you but I love you,Dadu!!And I know you love us and keep us blessing from that wall even today!!
We(my sister and me) call him "Dadu".No,he never called us back because he was long gone before we came into this world.My dadu(paternal grandfather)had left for his heavenly abode in his early forties leaving behind his widow and 3 kids,the oldest of whom(my dad) was only 12 then.So,unfortunately,the family had him with them for a very short period of time.
Surprisingly ,we felt his presence in all walks of our lives in more than one way.Since I was a child ,I remember praying for his blessings before starting anything important be it school exams or any other competition.On every festive occassion,be it "Bijoya Dashami" or "Poila Boisakh",we used to bow down in front of his photo and seek his blessings before touching the feet of "Thakuma"(maternal grandmother) and other elders.Not only did we go to Dadu(I mean,his photograph) before the commencement of anything ,but also never forgot to share with him the results(just a "pranam" was the means of communication ).He was the first one to get a "Tika" on every Holi and the first to get a "Diya" lit near his photo every Diwali in our house.
We never got to see any other snaps of "Dadu" except the one framed on the wall nor any belongings of him other than a cigarette case.Maybe,the struggles that my grandma had to face in bringing up the three kids single-handedly in those days didnt leave my grandma with the energy to save some of his belongings as keepsake for the future generation.So, the photograph was the only thing we knew adout "Dadu".
He was there in my prayers when I was getting ready as a bride on my wedding day,when I was in labour and heading towards the hospital for the birth of my first born,when I was going for my first job interview and on every important event in my life.I have never seen you but I know you;I have never touched you but can feel you;I have never hugged you but I love you,Dadu!!And I know you love us and keep us blessing from that wall even today!!
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