इस बार जब मिलूँगी तुझसे

इस बार जब मिलूँगी माँ,सिर्फ़ तेरी बेटी बनकर मिलूँगी ,

बाक़ी सारे रिश्ते,सारी उम्मीदें सब से दूर हटकर मिलूँगी।

तुम ना याद दिलाना मुझे मेरी ज़िम्मेदारियाँ,

रहने देना सिर्फ़ तुम्हारी बेटी बनकर…

बहुत सी बातें बतानी है,बहुत कुछ कहना है,

पर सबसे पहले पूछना है,”कैसी हैं तू माँ ?”

माँ  जैसी अच्छी बनने की कोशिश में माँ से ही दूर हो बैठी ,

भूलने चली हूँ तेरा स्पर्श,बहुत दिन हो गए माँ ….

एक बार फिर मैं पूरी रात सोना चाहती हूँ ,

और आँखें खुले मेरी,तेरी आवाज़ देने के बाद । 

My Loves

What am I loving these days?Your love for people and things keep changing,don't they?At least the degree?I mean,I never loved sweets but now with age,I often crave for a sweet dish after dinner.My love for my husband keeps changing everyday.....when he praises me in front of his mom,I feel I haven't given all the love that he deserves but then the next day when he sits glued to the TV,I wonder how did I fell in love with this man in the first place.

Coming back to what am I loving these days......

I love the "Me Time" I get to spend with the newspaper,the Facebook and my cup of tea in the morning after seeing the kids off to school till its time to make the breakfast.

I love the "Cuddle Time" I get with my little one just before the naptime ....I know they won't last long as they didn't with my older one.I have to beg him literally these days for a hug .....Boys...huh!!

I love the long FB chats with my sister-in-law whom I havent met yet.It seems we have always known each other....these chats have their way to ur hearts,I say!!

I love to be part of an awesome food group,try out new recipes,post them ,get appreciation from the group friends as well as from the family....although I doubt how long this new passion of mine will last..:(

For now,I am happy with these simple loves of my life...will let you know when they change and I move forward with new-found ones!!

What makes me happy

 

I am usually not a sulking type.....it's easy to please me .Simple things make me happy...of course,if my man takes me out to a candle-light dinner and surprises me with a solitaire,it won't make me unhappy .Don't get me wrong but I get perturbed by very petty things too.....I am a woman,after all.

 

This blog is about a few things which made me happy in the recent times.So,lets get going....

 

It made me happy when a couple wanted me to be a part of their journey towards and into their parenthood...more so because they are not a part of my family in a conventional way .So,when I got a call from them at 1a.m. in the night ,I just hurried to be with them to welcome their baby into the world...the feeling that someone wants to share their very intimate anxiety,happiness with you is just too good a feeling to have.

 

When your husband's sister calls you up after giving birth to her second baby,and asks you to name her newborn,you feel happy and trusted.I did!!

 

Last month was a milestone in my life.We completed 15 yrs of our marriage.As I was giving last minute instructions to the maid about how to take care of the kids while we two would be out having a romantic meal together,the husband suddenly appears with the two kids and they ask in sync,"Where are we going for dinner?"...........here I was thinking only about romance....little did I realize it was all about Love.......:)..So,a few moments later we were in the kids' favourite restaurant(no,it was not Mc.Donald',.Thank God!) celebrating our very romantic anniversary.But,did it make me happy???Surprisingly,Yes!!I was happy ........Touchwood!!

Happy Birthday,Precious!

It was a day in February,
When the snow has not yet melted
Came into my life a fairy,
Completing me in every way that I wanted.

It was not for the first time that I held a newborn close to my heart
But gladly every emotion felt new in its own kind.

Tomorrow,as you turn four,I thank God for His gift,
Every day with you is a blessing ,indeed!
All that I wish for you is lots of love and happiness,
May you brighten every heart and remember YOU ARE PRECIOUS!

Relatives or Not-Related?

Yesterday was the first anniversary of a very dear couple.To celebrate the occasion,they had thrown a lunch for close family members and relatives. I was there too with my kids.It was a lovely gathering with good food and friendly people.As pleasantries were being exchanged,a lady who was the groom's aunt asked me a very simple question....."How are you related to the couple?" and pat came my reply,"We are not related. We are family friends."

But the question left me thinking......are we really not related?What is relation?Does only being a member of the same family tree or being connected to a family tree by marriage make you a relative?

I am dead sure that the aunt  didn't know the couple as much as I do....she won't be able to know the groom's food habits or the bride's dreams more than me .Most of the relatives present at the gathering would not call them up for help at midnight like I did when my husband was in hospital.None of them had the pleasure of getting the romantic updates of the couple during their coutship days from the couple themselves which I did.:).This is one couple who calls up to say "Hello" without any reason or occasion.The groom was the one who was there to welcome us at the airport whenever we used to visit India during our stay in the U.S.He was the one who saw us off at the airport when we were leaving India for the first time.I made sure that I was there to welcome his new bride when she joined him in Delhi after the wedding.(not to pay back his loving gesture but to be with him in his moment of happiness).

Friends,Family,Family friends or Relative...........give the relation whatever name you want ,we may not be mentioned in each other's family tree but these are the relations which make relationships meaningful!!!!

Happy Women's Day to some women who worked to make me a "Happy" woman!!

Everywhere we look around today it is "Happy Women's Day".Inspiring interviews and tales of successful women,heart -wrenching stories of the abused and the ill-treated,congratulating each other on having an entire day dedicated to our species,having functions to felicitate the achievers among us and what not........It feels good but I would like it to happen everyday.Why not celebrate being a woman everyday?

Amidst all the limelight on women from all walks of life today,my mind keeps on rewinding the memories I have with some very ordinary women who are extraordinay in their own way.They are the ones who came into my life to help me manage a home,a baby and a job smoothly.Not that they gave me only peace and tranquility....they gave me my share of stress and tension too....unannounced holidays,mood swings,disappearance of food from the fridge and pantry,extended T.V.time.....to mention a few.But these are less torturous compared to the sense of guilt they gave me from time to time.Those pangs of guilt give me stress even today.

I felt guilty everytime I asked Putul(an 18 yr old who had a 3yr old son in her village who stayed with her brother's family as Putul had been deserted by her husband)to feed my 3yr old any delicacy.Didn't she think about her son who might not be getting even a decent two-square meal a day?

I felt guilty whenever my husband got roses for me or we went out for dinner.....I coudn't look into Shefali's eyes in fear of seeing her pain whose husband of seven years had left her with two kids for her own youn ger sister.She was working for us so that she could send money to her aged ailing mother who took care of her kids far away in a remote village.

I coudn't console Savita when she used to engage herself in heart to heart talks with me while oiling my hair.I couldn't help admiring that 22 year old's strength when she in an unguarded moment(like a younger sister speaking to her elder one) she told me how she survived the harrowing experiences in the previous house where she worked .She used to be abused by the father in the night and the son during the day who used to work at a call centre with the helpless bedridden mother in the house.Savita couldn't leave that house as her father needed the money to repay his debts.I felt guilty because I could not guarantee her the safety that she had in my house once her father take her away for a more lucrative job.

It was hard for me to see Malati ,a woman in her 60's to see my in-laws playing with my son when she used to yearn for her grandson whom she hasn't even seen .Her only son had thrown her away because she was always ailing unable to carry water from the well and chop the firewood.She used to earn and save all the money to buy a plastic toy aeroplane for her grandson who she believed will look after her one day.

All these women had some things in common...earning money,an abused life ,enough strength to overcome their ordeals and a hope for the future.Putul hoped that her son will one day go to school.Shefali hoped that once her sons grow up they will not let her work anymore.Savita was confident that she will soon meet a very nice man who will marry her without taking any dowry from her father.Malati believed that her grandson will take her on a ride on an aeroplane one day before she dies.

On this International Women's Day,I only wish and pray that may some of their dreams come true,if not all!May all the Malatis,Savitas,Putuls and Shefalis stay as brave as they are overpowering their misfortunes and struggles and not lose their hope for a better womanhood one day!!

For my Maa..

With age,we grow mature,independent,wise(not in all cases,though),free and experienced.We make new friends,relations,acquaintances and go through many incidents....both pleasant and not-so-pleasant.We are on our own,free to do all that we want, now that we are no longer in our parents'nests.But amidst all these freedom and independence,there are some words which I miss every now and then.....the words which were once not so musical to my ears are yearned very often now.

Check them out .....they may sound familiar to you too....

1.Wake up and get studying!!Exams are knocking at the door!!
2.Tidy up your table before noon today!
3.Finish off the fruits....they will give glow to your skin,moreover they don't come free!
4.Why don't you do something creative?I hate to see you wasting your talents!
5.Be focussed in life.It will do you good.
6.You need to be smarter in choosing your friends.....
7.All your cousins are toppers in their class ...why don't you ever aim to move ahead of being the 2nd ranker?
8.When will you be organized?I wonder how you will stay married and raise a family....
9.Be careful of what you choose in life...especially ,your life partner.
10.God knows how you'll be surviving on your own!!

Maa,I miss all these and many more but your grandchildren don't........I am constantly uttering these sentences to them as you had to me once:).I try to be a mother like you every moment of my life.I love you Maa...you are the BEST!!